So I keep seeing really cool evil!Karkat posts where he’s kind of… controlling streams of blood, or I think the Red Miles?

And it got me thinking.

Karkat is a Knight. Knight is a defensive class.

We’ve never really SEEN Karkat use his Blood powers. We don’t even really know what Blood is about yet. At least not anything specific.

What if Karkat can stop the Miles?

I love all these evil!Karkat stuff but… Man I’d love to see Karkat protecting everyone, pushing back the Red Miles.

I got shivers yo.

somelovelyfaggot:

fuckyeahtezkat:

terezi-pierope:

i accidentally

ordinarily I’d queue this but it made my night so here you go followers

OT-MOTHER FUCKING-P

(Source: burgerphile)

plot twist

Karkat RPer: ASSFUCK.

Hold on, Homestucks.

I just had a thought.

What if Calliope wasn’t talking about HER corpse specifically?

She and uu share a body, right? What if she just meant the corpse in general? It’s both her body and her brother’s body.

Calliope’s dream self has already been shown as dead. She’s still technically ‘alive’, but dormant as she sleeps within her/uu’s own body. If it ends up that the kids have to kill uu, they either have to go in and kill his dream self, and wake Calliope up by calling her name, or kill the physical body, and not kiss him so he dies for real.

And let’s face it.

Nobody is going to kiss uu. He’s a douchebag. And not a fun douchebag like Karkat or John. He’s just a douchebag.

Nobody’s going to kiss the body to bring Calliope back because they CAN’T. Her Dream self kicked the bucket. The only way they’re going to do that, is by calling her name, which only Roxy knows.

I watched Lord of the Rings for the first time yesterday and I kept mishearing Sam’s last name as ‘Gamzee’.

I’m probably not the first to make this joke.

pkmnleaguebound:

PROF ROXY: ok do you wnt a pokemon krakt

PROF ROXY: karkta 

PROF ROXY: how do yu even say that

PROF ROXY: and the answer is alwasy ys btw so tht was a trick quesionin

KARKAT: KARKAT. IT’S KARKAT. THAT REALLY ISN’T DIFFICULT.

KARKAT: AND YES, I WOULD LIKE A POKEMON. THAT’S WHY I’M STANDING HERE WITH MY HAND STUFFED WRIST-DEEP INTO MY NOOK, WAITING PATIENTLY FOR YOU TO GIVE ME ONE.

PROF ROXY: wow sheeeejz ok 

PROF ROXY: karkat

PROF ROXY: i got this grandosn see 

PROF ROXY: hes your rival since u wer both BABISE

KARKAT: I 

KARKAT: WHAT?

KARKAT: YOU’RE NOT THAT MUCH OLDER THAN ME, HOW DO YOU EVEN HAVE A DESCENDANT? THAT MAKES ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING SENSE.

PROF ROXY: shshshhhhhhhhhhshhsh

PROF ROXY: dont wory karat momma roxys here to atke care of you

PROF ROXY: hang on hye grandson whats ur name gain

omfg roxy you are perf

pkmnleaguebound:

You are almost completely certain that you have done this before and that you already have a name. The fact that this was in another universe doesn’t even kind of matter. You refuse to go through this again. And by refuse, you mean you’re going to name yourself before someone can get the blindingly bright idea to call you “DBAG” for the rest of this shitty adventure. 

You can’t just sit around pretending to think that old jokes from another universe are still funny, anyway. What, do they think you’re made of time or something? You are a busy guy. You’ve got better shit to do than entertain people that want to use six-letter expletives for your name. That happens often enough as it is.

==> Enter New Name: Sir Scowls-A-Lot

if you aren’t reading pkmnbound you’re doing something wrong with your life.

what if karkat has wings and they’re just really tiny so we can’t see them

nubby horns

nubby wings

homestuck is all starting to come together

somebody stop me please take ms paint away

So I was thinking about what Hussie said about how all the blood colors were represented, except for the ‘lime’ blood. I’m assuming that this’ll be uranianUmbra.

He did say that there was lime blood splattered in the Grand Highblood’s throne room, so I went searching.

Oh dear lord. I forgot that’s what this page looked like.

IN ANY CASE I did manage to pinpoint all the blood colors in the throne room. Obviously there are two missing, Mutant Red and Tyrian Purple. But I found the lime blood!!

So pretty~

And after arranging all the colors, turns out it is smack dab in the middle of Nepeta and Kanaya!

Which is pretty accurate personality-wise, since what we’ve seen of UU is she’s sort of a bouncy little maternal lady. If UU is in fact a lady, anyhow. It kind of fits, though. I guess if Karkat had been a normal Troll he would have been a Limeblood? 

Once upon a time there was a Troll who wasn’t a mutant and didn’t have nightmares so he got a pretty good amount of sleep each night and he liked to program and his name was Karkat Vantaaaaahhhhh!!!

GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY GET IT AWAY

Gamzee you rascal.

It’s like.

When Karkat said ‘corpse-hoarding’ all I could think about was Gamzee with all the bodies like a fucking squirrel in the winter.

sob my friends

are so great

captainhufflepuff:

WHEN KARKAT STOLE GRISTMAS
(Magnificent BB Nepeta with cup of cold milk done by my dear friend Emily!! Go follow her!! )

So about a month ago I decided that for Christmas I was going to rewrite The Grinch Who Stole Christmas as ‘The Karkat Who Stole Gristmas’.

Happy Gristmas, everyone. :D Voices all done by me in one fell swoop. I don’t own Homestuck, and I do not own The Grinch.

It can also be listened to/downloaded over here.

WRITTEN OUT

Every Troll down in Trollville like Gristmas a lot,
But Karkat, who lived just north of Trollville, did not!
Karkat hated Gristmas, the whole Gristmas session!
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his beatpump wasn’t plugged in just right,
It could be, perhaps, that his sweater was too tight,
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his pants were two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his pants or his beatpump,
He stood there on Gristmas Eve, hating those chumps,
Staring down from his hive with a sour, nubby frown,
At the warm lighted hiveportals below in their town.
For he knew every Troll down in Trollville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a Build Grist Wreath,
“AND THEY’RE HANGING THEIR FUCKING PORKHOLLOWS!” he snarled with a sneer,
“TOMORROW IS GRISTMAS, IT’S PRACTICALLY FUCKING HERE!”
Then he growled, with his grey fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST FIND SOME FUCKING WAY TO STOP GRISTMAS FROM COMING!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the Troll Girls and Boys,
Would wake dark and late, they’d rush for their toys!
And then… oh the noise! oh the noise!
Fucking noise noise noise!
That’s one thing he hated! THE FUCKING NOISE!
NOISE FUCKING NOISE NOISE!
Then the Trolls, young and old, would sit down to a feast,
And they’d feast, and they’d feast, and they’d FEAST!
FEAST FUCKING FEAST FEAST!
They would feast on Grub-Pudding, and rare roast Hoofbeast!
Which was something Karkat couldn’t stand in the least!
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Troll down in Trollville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Gristmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in hand, and the Trolls would start singing.
They’d sing, and they’d sing, and they’d SING!
FUCKING SING SING SING!
And the more Karkat thought of this Trolls Gristmas Sing,
The more Karkat thought, “I MUST STOP THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING!”
“WHY, FOR SIX FUCKING SWEEPS I’VE PUT UP WITH IT NOW!”
“I MUST STOP THIS GRISTMAS FROM COMING… BUT HOW?”
Then he got an idea. An AWFUL idea!
KARKAT GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA.
“I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO!” Karkat laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick God Tier hood and a coat,
And he chuckled and clucked, and said with a sneer,
“WITH THIS COAT AND THIS HOOD, I’LL LOOK JUST LIKE I’M GOD TIER!!”
“ALL I NEED IS A WAY TO GET THERE,” Karkat looked around.
Since cars on Alternia are scarce, there was no way to be found.
Did that stop old Karkat? No! Karkat simply said,
“IF I CAN’T FIND A FUCKING MOUNT, I’LL MAKE ONE INSTEAD.”
So he called his crabdad, then he took some grey thread,
And he put a big harness on the back of his head.
THEN he loaded some bags, and some empty old sacks,
on a ramshackle sled and he hitched up that fuckass,
Then Karkat said, “HURRY THE FUCK UP!” and the sleigh started down,
Toward the hives where the Trolls lay asnooze in their town.
All their hiveportals were dark, quiet snow filled the air.
All the Trolls were all dreaming Prospit or Derse dreams without care.
When he came to the first little hive on the square,
“THIS IS STOP NUMBER FUCKING ONE,” the old Karkat hissed,
and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the firechute, a rather rough task,
But if the Witch of Space could do it, so could Karkat.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two,
Then he stuck his head out of the firechute flue.
Where the little Troll porkhollows sat in a row.
“THESE PORKHOLLOWS,” he grinned. “ARE THE FIRST THINGS TO GO!’
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Specibi! Rocket packs! Fruit Gushers! And shades!
Chess boards! Flying cars! Cake mix! And blades!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Karkat, very mad,
Threw all the bags, one by one, to his Crabdad.
Then he slunk to the thermal hull, he took the Trolls feast!
He took the Grub Pudding! He took the roast hoofbeast!
He cleaned out that thermal hull as quick as a flash!
Why Karkat even took the last can of Troll-Hash!
Then he threw all the food on the sleigh with glee,
“AND NOW!” sneered Karkat, “I WILL THROW OUT THE FUCKING TREE!”
And Karkat grabbed the tree in both hands with a GRRR,
When he heard a small sound like a mew and a purr.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Troll!
It was Little Nepeta Leijon, with a look oh so droll.
Karkat had been caught by this stupid Troll ilk,
Who’d got out of recooperacoon for a cup of cold Milk.
She stared at Karkat and said, “:33< knight of blood why”
“:33< why are you taking out gristmas tree? why?”
But you know, that Karkat was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“WHY, MY SWEET LITTLE GRUB,” the fake God Tier lied,
“THERE’S A LIGHT ON THIS FUCKING THING THAT WON’T LIGHT ON ONE BULGE INFESTED SIDE!”
“SO I’M TAKING IT BACK TO MY GOD HIVE, MY DEAR,”
“I’LL FIX IT UP THERE, THEN I’LL FUCKING BRING IT BACK HERE.”
And his fib fooled the grub. Then he scritched at her cheek,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to sleep.
And when Nepeta Leijon was asleep with her cup,
He went to the firechute, and stuffed the tree up.
Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food that he left in the hive,
Was a crumb too small for even a Squeakbeast to survive.
Then he did the same thing to the other Trolls feasts!
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Trolls Squeakbeasts!
It was quarter past sunset, all the Trolls still a-bed,
And the Trolls, still a snoooze, when he packed up his sled,
Packed it with their presents! The ribbons! The Wrappings!
The tags and the tinsel! The trimmings and trappings!
Three thousand feet up, up the side of mount Fuckit!
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it.
“FUCK YOU, TO THE TROLLS,” he was nub-ishly humming,
“THEY’RE FUCKING FINDING OUT NOW THAT NO GRISTMAS IS COMING!”
“THEY’RE JUST WAKING UP, I KNOW JUST WHAT THEY’LL FUCKING DO!”
“THEIR MOUTHS WILL HANG OPEN FOR A FUCKING MINUTE OR TWO,
THEY THOSE TROLLS DOWN IN TROLLVILLE WITH ALL CRY BOO-FUCKING-HOO!”
“THAT’S A NOISE,” sneered Karkat, “THAT I SIMPLY MUST FUCKING HEAR.”
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low, but then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! This sound sounded really fucking merry!
It couldn’t be fucking so! But it was merry! Very!
He stared down at Trollville! Karkat popped his eyes.
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Troll down in Trollville, the tall and the small,
was SINGING! Without any fucking grist at all!
He HADN’T stopped Gristmas from coming! IT FUCKING CAME!
Somehow or another, it came JUST THE FUCKING SAME!
And Karkat, with his tallpants ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: “HOW COULD IT BE SO?”
“IT CAME WITHOUT SHALE! IT CAME WITHOUT CAULK!
IT CAME WITHOUT BUILDGRIST, DIAMOND, AND CHALK!”
And he puzzled three hours, ‘til his horns were all sore,
Then Karkat thought of something, he hadn’t before.
“MAYBE GRISTMAS,” he thought. “DOESN’T COME FROM THE GAME.”
“MAYBE GRISTMAS, PERHAPS, ISN’T QUITE SO FUCKING INSANE.”
And what happened then? Well, in Trollville they say,
That Karkat’s small pants grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his pants didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with that Gristcache through the dim evening light,
And he brought back the grist! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! Karkat carved the roast hoofbeast.

WHEN KARKAT STOLE GRISTMAS
(Magnificent BB Nepeta with cup of cold milk done by my dear friend Emily!! Go follow her!! )

So about a month ago I decided that for Christmas I was going to rewrite The Grinch Who Stole Christmas as ‘The Karkat Who Stole Gristmas’.

Happy Gristmas, everyone. :D Voices all done by me in one fell swoop. I don’t own Homestuck, and I do not own The Grinch.

It can also be listened to/downloaded over here.

WRITTEN OUT BENEATH THE CUT

Read More

Or whatever Trolls have instead of a spleen.

Lexi: well it was legitimately some of my best karkat
Lexi: i apparently write him best when i am overflowing with disdain for my fellow man
Ali McGiggles: well that's kind of
Ali McGiggles: you know how WV had a chunk of uranium in his stomach
Ali McGiggles: karkat has that
Ali McGiggles: except it's hatred
Ali McGiggles: pure, solid, unfiltered hatred
Ali McGiggles: right in his spleen